Is there anyone on this site who has a child with a diagnosis of ODD?
From my research, there seem to be a lot of traits in common between giftedness and ODD, but it looks my son has ODD as well as being EG! He has been tested, analysed, spent hours with psychologists, psychiatrists and various other agencies and the finger is fairly certainly pointing in that direction. His psych report is headed 'Oppositional Behaviour with marked Egocentricity'. His behaviour is too bizarre just to be driven from giftedness, and he has all the markers for ODD, along with a hair trigger temper and a tendency toward violence. (I make it sound horrible, but he's actually a lovely lad who has 'escalations' in his behaviour several times a week).
If you are interested in 'talking', I would love some support and to give some also. I need to know I'm not going mad.....!!
My son does not have a diagnosis of ODD, but I think he's ODTM -oppositionally defiant to mum. Apparently it's common in 4 yo boys, testosterone and all. For me it's been dealing with the very short temper, sensitivity and tendency to lash out that's been the struggle. He had 2.5 hr long tantrums at 3 yrs old -broken only by a smack and/or cold water. He's much better now and tantrums only usually occur at home or with parent/s (where he's comfortable to be himself). Identifying his giftedness has really helped as if his brain is engaged in something he's an angel.
I certainly thought I was going insane until I found a supportive kindergarten where he is extended and we get time apart.
When you still think of your child a a 'lovely lad' you're OK; when you want to push him in front of an oncoming bus, you know you need a break (I bet you've had days like that too).
If I was a 10 year old these days - I would be "diagnosed" as "ODD" and
I have to confess its the one disorder I am very fond of indeed. Especially because if you become rich, obviously you would graduate from ODD to eccentric.
You would be surprised just how Bizarre "just being driven by giftedness" can be.
I have also found that typically kids who appear "oppositional" from an observational perspective are actually not - its a form of "learning style" that in GTs can often be seen to the "umpteenth degree" because you actually get a lot more feedback from taking an oppositional position than you get when you just go along with things.
It does make logical sense that it would be seen in GTs more commonly than in the average population due to their immense ability to generalise.
Im surprised that my own girls are not particularly oppositional actually - it is after all what has been role modeled to them.
I should probably clarify that - others see me as "indiscriminately oppositional" because I paddle my own canoe - but in reality I am very discriminating about what I choose to oppose and if I do choose to oppose then 9 times out of 10 I will do so successfully.
If we wish for a better society for future generations than we ourselves have known then "oppositional" is definitely a characteristic that we ought to be NURTURING in those who have an abundant supply.
Nurtured and allowed to be and given an "outlet" that will enable its development I have found "ODD" to be far more of an asset than a liability.
The very basis of ODD is based upon the old biblical idea of adults lording over children - if the child doesnt buy into it, they call them "oppositional" -
I call them something very different.
I guess 'oppositional' is the label, but maybe 'extreme personality' would be a better definition.
I am talking 'extreme' here. Drawing a knife on your father when he tells you to be careful when you're opening the tomato sauce bottle upside down away from your plate is beyond oppositional. Maybe it's some other mental health issue, but I know for sure it's not healthy.
It breaks my heart when I hear him sobbing, saying he wants to be 'normal'. We've talked to him 'til we're blue in the face that 'normal' doesn't exist per se, but he just wants to be one of the gang. He doesn't see that screaming at and hitting other children because he thinks they've cheated or are not following the rules (as he sees them) sets him apart from others socially. The other kids are rejecting him because of his bizarre and unpredictable behaviour. His social and emotional struggles seem to be even beyond the 'gifted' behaviour I have learned about, but he doesn't have Aspergers although the experts say he has autistic traits.
In the meantime, we have GSE, CAMHS, Healthcare NZ etc all stirring the pot and offering services, none of which seem to fit him.
Sorry for the rant, feeling a bit bleak about it all. Maybe it's the going back to school next week blues.....
I have an 11 year old boy diagnosed with ODD last year. He has been a full on lad since the day we brought him home from hospital. We have guardianship of him and have a daughter through guardianship (6) and our biological son (4)..
He first saw a psychotherapist at age 5 after being rather violent at school. We wondered about ADHD at that stage. At age 7 he was identified as being gifted after testing by an educational psychologist.
His first week at school as a 5 year old he was in the principals office and it's been like that pretty much ever since. We took him out of school at 51/2 and I homeschooled him for 6 months. Then we took him out again at 7 and I homeschooled him for 18 months. By the end of that time I felt I was almost going insane! He went back to a (different) school at the end of his Year 4 year. We struck a reasonable principal and a fantastic teacher at that school, so he completed his Y5 and Y6 in school.
He has been through CAFS twice and finally we have funding for some respite care. We were very reluctant to take up the respite care option but the strain on our marriage was increasing so we went with it. Since 7yrs of age he has been with the same psychotherapist for fairly lengthy periods of time. The whole of last year he had fortnightly appointments. It seems to be the only place he makes peace with himself and the behaviour he struggles with so much.
He starts at intermediate on Weds and I am gearing myself up for a very stressful time. School is an effort for him at best and change on this scale is a nightmare. In the last half of last year he bullied kids at school and took off from school one day - brought home to us by the police. His teacher was fantastic at getting some work out of him most days, but not sweating the small stuff. She put him forward for every science workshop or whatever that she could and thats when we would see him flourish for a few days and then go back to this behaviour that is so very difficult to manage and which is very stressful and tiring for the whole family.
As you can probably tell I'm not exactly relishing another school year, but the homeschooling option is a hard ask too. No easy answers for my boy!
Living with a gifted child can be challenging at the best of times. It is always heartening to remember that so called 'disorders' are deficits or excesses of normal behaviour. It is also really important to seek professional help and support when things are extreme (as you describe). It is also important to seek people who have knowledge, understanding and experience in giftedness. This is an important part of the make up of your child (if they have been identified as gifted). Homeschooling a high needs child is very difficult and using respite care is important. These children do place enormous stress on the whole family. It seems that the psychotherapist you are working with is a good match. Progress can be slow but if it's working stick at it!
Would the intermediate be open to your son doing part days initially? He might also benefit from a formalised Transition Plan (or IEP). These strategies my help in setting your child up for success. Starting a new school can be particularly hard for children who have not had positive social experiences in the past. Good luck and keep up the good work!
I so hear you - been there and done that I am afraid. Yep even the knives - very scary.
Breaks you heart for sure - and then some.
Man - dont even get me started on child "mental health services" and CYFs and school "interventions" - in the end I came to the realisation that there was no way I could help my daughter until I PROTECTED her from the "help" such organisations were providing.
Then I had to get my daughter to a point of accepting that it is ok to be who and what you are - "normal" or not. That was a massive challenge and required me to totally rethink my own approach to life in order not to be sending "mixed messages".
You see, I kept telling her it was ok to be different and its ok to be who you are but, personally I was living a very different truth - personally I was constantly trying (and spectacularly failing I might add) to be a "normal" person - or at least "normal enough" to fit in and be accepted.
It was difficult for me for a while but, for my kids I would do anything - and after a while I found my groove just being myself and it was such a cool experience that it truly stopped mattering whether people "accepted" me as I was any more. Morally, psychologically, emotionally, there was a huge shift and all of a sudden I was able to function at a level I had never imagined possible.
What I had actually done was intuitively "rewired" my own neurology so, instead of struggling to use neurological pathways and processes that went against my own natural neurological design, I re-established and started to really develop the neurological pathways that were in accord with my being. Teaching myself all sorts of stuff you wont find in books along the way.
Then, slowing I started to do the same with my daughter - baby steps mind not rip tear and bust as I did with myself.
I wouldnt say that she is "there" exactly but, she is far enough along that life is starting to work for her instead of being one constant struggle against being herself.
If you think that I can be of any support or help to you in any way - dont hesitate to let me know.
Rose - GSE and the school are really trying hard for us, so it's up to my boy putting in effort to see if it all can work!
Tiz Me - thank you for your messages - sometimes I think I'm going mad, and it helps to look at the problems from a different angle.
Sandi - Here's a surprise......he's just turned 9! Would you be interested in getting in contact outside this thread? My husband and I have finally realised that it would be immensely helpful to talk to others who are walking the walk (or have done), but Parent to Parent don't seem to have any parents with a child with behaviours like ours. My friends are all well-meaning, but their 'advice' doesn't work for a kid like ours, and they don't understand the despair alongside the love!
Hi
I have a son who is now 21. He wore the labels ADHD, ODD, Dyspraxia from not long after starting school. When he threw them off I got to wear them. We eventually learnt to share the weight of such labels together but not without a lot of tears, anger, relationship breakdowns, and invasion of public services that left more questions than answers at the end of the day. My son spent most of his teens in trouble with the law & I learnt to hold my head high when being frisked at youth court & while waiting amongst hardened parents and youth time after time. Then one day (after standing by him through thick and thin & loving him & lecturing him over & over about right & wrong) he showed signs of remorse & change, from that point (about 17) he has just kept improving. He did NCEA 3 then got a job & went flating. He spent last year doing law and this year was accepted into law school to continue on his journey to be a lawyer. Teachers, authorities, family, anyone whether they had a right to or not wrote this kid off. He is now a loving young guy with a girlfriend, job, and is studying for a future. Only a mother will know there own son better than anyone, he has a future because I refused to listen & hung in there loving him and showing/telling him right from wrong even when he didn't want to listen. He still has the traits of all the labels put on him, always well, but he's grown in to them better, is more accepting of his differences and his eccentric ways, I have relaxed more but am still a close part of his life helping him where neccessary. We are a team.
Just wanted to give you some encouragement & hope for the future with your son anyway because most of that 21 years was hard slog with little support and there were some incredibly low moments, Kia Kaha, strong)
Your message was such an encouragement to me! At times I do despair about my son's behaviour and his future, especially when his primary school principal has told me he thinks my son will be either a very clever businessman or a very clever criminal.
It's awesome to know kids with these labels can come through and be happy and successful in life.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Like Leasey-Lou, sometimes I despair, but like you, I hold my head up high in public. It's nice to hear that there can be a positive outcome for these kids.
Have you taken gluten out of his diet? That can make a difference. We have one child who goes ballistic when he has it (although not on the scales you are talking about), but it fuddles his head up and he is really out of control of himself.
My 12 year old son has been diagnosed as ODD (I can't help thinking it is the label they give when ADHD doesn't fit). Last year I did a course called The Incredible Years Parenting Programme and it was fantastic, turns out that I was able to change alot of his behaviour by changing my own. He has an extremely short fuse, amazing sense of justice, will never back down from an argument and when confronted becomes oppositional and defiant, my reaction in the past was to give it back to him as I felt it was giving in to his behaviour by letting him get away with his anger, now I "choose" not to engage and his ODD behaviour has diminished significantly. I know this sounds too easy and looking back it is amazing that it worked. It is a 12 week course, I did it through Marinoto at North Shore Hospital which was a referral but I know that Family Works offer the course also.
ODD...i believe my son would continue to have such a label had we not changed his diet.
The difference in him is nothing shorter than unbelievable, hard to believe it is the same boy really.
I suggest having a look at a book "Fed Up" by Sue Dengate which is often available in libraries. Or looking at the website www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info
Well worth reading.
We found it is the predervatives in products, especially shop bread and also larger amounts of dairy products.
Just a suggestion incase it is the answer for you.
Someone mentioned diet ... Sue Dengate in Australia has been around for many years and warned then of the impact of colourings, additives, etc, in our diet. I first came across the term ODD through one of her newsletters about 10 years ago.
Through her Food Intolerance Network of Australia, she also works with the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital, writes books, lobbies governments and cares about whats going on. There have been some AMAZING results with even simple changes; other changes have to be major.
I learned quite by accident when my boy was a breastfeeding babe many moons ago that he was highly intolerant to salicylates (naturally-occurring chemicals in fruit & veg in varying amounts, inc honey). Hyperactivity was was the major issue and it just disappeared once I knew what to avoid eating so it didn't go through my milk. The older he is, the more tolerant his body is to those substances. It's an awareness thing.
Worth checking out the (not too easy to navigate) site at http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/
Anyone with children with behavioural/attention/sickness/etc issues, have a look, too!
I did Incredible Years last year too! My referral came via CAFS and like you I found it a very worthwhile course. Things at home improved lots. I suddenly found I had tools that worked and like you I learned to back down rather than engaging with my son when he is in his 'ODD state'! Found it quite difficult to enlighten my husband and the rest of the family though, especially extended family.
And then there was school. lt continued to be the place where my son acted out and there were many meetings with the principal and his teacher right up until the end of last year. My son's personality just kind of grated on the principal by the end of the year, because of course he wouldn't back down, and neither would my son.
HI there - what an interesting thread! So glad this has come up. Do any of you have the support of your husband/partners when dealing with these boys? We have experienced a major breakdown in family relationships due to the stubborness and non-empathy between rigid-minded 'gifted' dad and 'highly gifted' teenage son who has always been oppositional. I was wondering whether a sympathetic male role-model made any difference to the childs' behaviour at all? Mum-the-family-therapist-caught-in-the-middle has been a nightmare scenario and I wish I knew how to resolve this!
A couple of things I want to say on this thread - although luckily neither of my children are particularly oppositional (so saying, I do think I need to change the way I relate to my daughter before teen years as I can see issues arising there!). About food and diet - it can make masses of difference. This has been discussed in other threads of the forum, 'failsafe' and 'food intolerance'. It could be an idea if you are thinking about this, to have a look through those threads which date back a couple of years.
The other things is, 'torn mum' I'm really sorry to hear of your family issues. I can well see this happening in many families. The fathers of today were raised mostly by authoritarians who thought that 'boys don't cry or show emotions' was the right way to go. I know that often I battle my husband in the way he likes to discipline our children, sometimes by ridiculing or putting down as well as threatening the odd smack. I know that this way of thinking is directly related to his father and the way my husband and his brother were raised. Doesn't make it easier but does help to understand. I hope that I balance things out with our own children with the way I do things - I'm very lucky that my parents were wonderful authoritative parents! Best i could've had, although they didn't have boys and again it may have been different if they had (although I don't personally think so).
As far as male role-models go, it has been shown that all boys benefit from a male role-model who is not 'dad'. They need to learn how to be male which they do by observation and copying. Have you ever talked to your husband about his upbringing and what he liked or didn't like about it? If it turns out there were things that were done that were upsetting to him, and he can see that in fact he in turn is doing the same things to his son, would it perhaps help him to alter things slightly? I really feel for your situation and I'm sure many others can relate to it as well! Best wishes...
Rebecca
I'm new to this ODD and like a few of you I hate the label. I think I might be at the beginning of my son having ODD but am not too sure.
I know that he is bullying at school, with a very short fuse, will intentionally refuse to listen to myself, teachers, grandparents and so forth, doing real radical weird stuff to kids at school that involves hurting them in some way and absolutely no empathy for what he's done. I'm not sure where the list ends to be honest, but I can tell you I'm sick of being down at that school every 5 minutes because he's 'done something' again it's beyond tiring...
Lots of the signs be has been displaying over the last 2 years have pointed to ODD. Can anyone tell me where to go from here because I'm pretty clueless???
My heart goes out to you. We've been treading the path for over 5 years now, with our son being picked up at Kindergarten with antisocial behaviour traits (agressive when other children wanted to join him in his play {usually construction}, hiding at mat time etc). The initial diagnosis was Aspergers Syndrome, but although he has some autistic traits, he doesn't meet most of the criteria. What we have is an exceptionally gifted 9 year old who isn't able to sustain social relationships because of his behaviour.
The best thing we did was to have him assessed by an ed psych at the Indigo Centre (Auckland) when he was 7. They have an affinity with children who connect to the world differently, and spent 6 hours over 2 days assessing him. This allowed him not to be stressed, and to get to know the psychologist while being tested in a fairly relaxed manner. The report they produced then allowed us to go to the school and 2 years later (and lots of bad behaviour) we finally have support via GSE (Group Special Education), and CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). It's a long road, and you have to jump through all the hoops before you can move on to the next 'thing', but we are hoping that we are finally getting closer to our goal, which is some long term counselling to help him unravel some of the 'spaghetti' of thoughts and misunderstandings that he has, and to help him manage his relationships with others better.
Mind you, the way funding of the health sector is going, we could be paying for it ourselves!
If you want to 'talk' off the boards, post again and I will e-mail you.
Thank you for sharing your stories. A hard row to hoe sometimes eh.
I don't think my DD is ODD but I do find some of her behaviour very challenging and defiant at times. We had a scene at home recently where it was very clear that my own behaviour and modelling needed some work!
I had thought myself about backing off rather than engaging, so it caught my eye when two of you mentioned it here.
Hi there,
I am not sure if i am on the right track, but i will try anything at the moment. I am beyond it and dont know who to turn to. My son is 9 and i am certain he has ODD, but not knowing who to turn to and ask for advise i do not know what to do. I am sick to my stomach and can no longer live with him. I am desperate and will do anything for some one to talk to and some advise. The other problem being we are tight on money and can not afford the very expensive cost of seeing councellors etc. I have looked into that avenue, but they are all way out of our price range.
PLEASE HELP
Thanks
Hang in there! I'm not the right person to provide advice on useful pathways, but others on here are, and I'm sure they'll respond when they've seen your post.
If you feel like getting on the phone, you could try ringing Parent Help Line (Barnardos), Family Works (Presbytarian Services), CAMHS (child/adolescent mental health services), Citizens' Advice Bureau, or the Samaritans.
Hopefully one or all of those agencies will help.
Alos, if you trust your GP, then they may be a good way of getting a referral to an agency that can help.
I'm bumping this up because I hope one of you with experience may be able to help Coralie, and it's kind of got lost after the very long mixed dominance thread.
Hi Coralie
Thinking of you as you work thru' this...i often think of how far we have come.
Have a look back at the past threads on this and see if you can borrow a book from the library called "Fed Up"... you may find it helps.
Hi
I also cannot tell you how heartened I am to read all these threads! My daughter meets all the criteria and I will be honest, I like lables - not for her but for me because it means that I am not crazy or a bad mother. It means that I am not alone and that there is help!
She is 10.5 now the rages have taken on a much more agressive, hysterical and verbally/physically abusive turn. It is heart breaking to see my lovely daughter change when these rages take over her thinking. Do any of you have daughters? I seem to be in the minority?
To those who do not have these children it is very difficult to explain that this is not an issue that has a "quick fix" or a simple explanation. This is something that can consume a family and break it down to such an extent that you want to run away from your own child.
I will sign up for that course as advised by Lara and hope that will help. I will keep you posted. Diet changes proved useless for us and in some cases just the act of changing her diet would cause more problems. She does not respond well to change and likes to be in control of everything.
I also have the dad barrier - he is like petrol to her fire and often will not back down - which makes things escalate to unbearable levels. It even goes so far as that once she has calmed down and is ready to apologise he will not accept her apology because he is so hurt by what she has said/done. How do you tell dad that he needs help too?
It is so tiring... she constantly finds ways around our strategies.
I would love to meet/ attend a support group as sometimes you feel like you are losing it and it helps just to know that you are not alone.
Hi Me too Im new to the forum but have been following the thread. I have a 12 year old daughter who has progressivley got worse over the last couple of years and definately too when you throw hormones into the mix. My daughter is verbally abusive and can be very physical ie throwing things at me and so on. She has been diagnosed with add, adhd, dyspraxia, dyslexia depends who I see and I could add odd to that. A few strategies that have worked for me is firm fair parenting. I also have a gifted 5 year old so two at both extremes. I am using a strategy called the ladder of certain doom and this is where they lose 1/2 hr off there bed time for every outburst. They can make it up by doing jobs to work there way back up. It seems to work for her as little else has. I then have a simple system of ticks or crosses which earns just a simple chocolate bar at the end of the week. The girls love competing against each other in this. I cant change what I have here buy I try to bring out the best in her, try not to add fuel to the fire, ignore alot of her stuff (lately she says shes going to kill herself!) and hope I get through the teenage years. We try not to sweat the small stuff and theres alot of that and we dont do perfect!! I also hope my babys first word is not the F word.
Hi out there! I am a grandma with an almost 5yr old grandson. He is autistic, has ADHD and ODD. To top that off, he has very serious food allergies requiring a special diet, which, if he breaks, he has to be rushed to hospital. He lives with mum and an upper-teenage brother who is wonderful with him. Dad has not been on the scene for some time and due to a care and protection order can not have any contact with the child. However I am told that the young fellow suffers from deep mood changes where he is violent and screaming like a banshee for no apparent reason. They have tried all the tricks in the book, been on courses and seen psychologists but nothing seems to work. Prior to his accelerated aggressive behaviour he went to respite fortnightly which gave mum a break but because of his tantrums and need for strictness in his diet they can no longer find anyone who will take him on. Mum and brother are at their wits end. They live in Christchurch where they have tried just about every avenue to get help. Unfortunately I live in Auckland where I could have some influence on getting them help as I am a teacher in a special school, dealing with these children every day. However I do not know of services available in Christchurch. If there is anyone out there who can help in this way or just by being a confident to this family, I would be eternally grateful.
I am going down to Christchurch next week to assess things for myself and see what can be done. I know agencies need to be chosen carefully as they do not always make the right decisions and the family can be left with heartbreak. What a dilemma!
Hi
Sorry I've only just read your email on the Explorers Forum. One comment first - I've always been told that they don't diagnose 5 year olds with ADHD - can't be done till they are 7?
Anyway, I sympathise with your family and probably can't do much to help but am happy to communicate with them to see if there is any advice I can give. My son is 10 and is diagnosed (and medicated) ADHD. He is very bright/gifted and his time at school has been very rocky. Things are starting to settle down nowadays so I can at least testify to things getting slowly better.
Something I have heard about on the radio recently is called Brain Training. Dione Healey at Otago is working with 4-5 yr olds with ADHD-type behaviour, using games. I thought it sounded great. She mentioned relaxation and breathing for the emotional issues, Simon Says and Red Light/Green Light for impulsiveness and My Grandma went to the market for working memory issues. The trials she has run are based on group work with her and at least half an hour/day at home. Haven't tried it but sounds good. One of the problems with medication is that when it isn't given the benefits disappear.
My son has been through the Whakatata House psych services system in Christchurch. We have found them very good but I know others who have taken issue. You certainly do need to question lots and be very willing to discuss.
Hi all
We have just had our 7 year old twin girls diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder and we are floored yet reassured by this news. We have always thought that the behaviour of the girls was put down to them being twins and bouncing off of each other. We then had a singleton and it put questions in our mind about how easy our third child was compared to the twins. Our singleton is now three and understands the word "No" extremely well. Her tantrums make her look like a kitten compared to the tantrums we get from the twins.
One of the twins has Separation Anxiety as well. This has meant that school life is pretty much non existent. She is at school for one and half hours a day and that is 9 times out of 10 in the Principals office. I would be really worried about her school work but she is a bright cookie and I know that it won't take long for her to catch up with her peers.
The program that ICAFS have put in place with the school is meant to keep the school on her side and to make her transition into the class room easier. It has meant that my Husband and I have to take time off work to be with her at school and to be with her when she leaves school for the day. Our three year old has to be dropped off at friends houses as we can't have her at school with us. There is only so much our employers will put up with and this is in the back of our minds continuously. Even with all this we are more than keen to do what we have to to get her back to school and living a normal life as possible.
This is only one small area of our lives at the moment and we are feeling more than a bit lost. I would love to catch up with someone who knows exactly what we are going through and have some reassurance that life will get better for our girls and the rest of the family.
ps I would also like to point out that all of our girls are very creative and delightful children that we love dearly except for the ODD moments.
I have no idea what to do anymore because this is an ongoing battle for me.
I have a 13yr old boy who is very defiant and is making home life a misery for me because he is a ticking time bomb.
I'm awaiting a full assessment to be done on my son this wednesday. But in the mean time I have to hang in there and try to save both relationships - my son's and also my partner.
The behaviour he portrays is verbal abuse towards me, throwing things around and making sure it is my things that are damaged, must have everything his way and only his way.
I've come to the stage where this is physically and emotionally draining me.
Can someone help me please - I'm getting desperate.
I found it very helpful to my relationship with my daughter to view her behaviour as being "expression of unmet needs" that I had not been able to identify and respond to.
As far as partners go, well you probably wont particularly appreciate how I dealt with that matter - essentially, they can choose to be adults themselves and be a constructive part of the problem solving or they can get outta dodge coz one "special needs" child is more than enough to cope with thanks.
Tough I know but I truly found it easier to "go it alone" than trying to have to "divide myself" between the needs of a child and the needs of someone who is meant to be an adult but instead of being a source of support becomes a source of extra stress.
Children of any age are pretty perceptive in my experience - how we regard them personally, how we regard and respond to their behaviour makes a huge difference. When met with resistance, they learn resistance, when met with judgement, they learn to become judgemental ..... some times all we can do is try to provide some balance in terms with the type of responses they are receiving from others - that is, provide them with a source of acceptance, understanding, patience, tolerance and all the positive attributes we wish for them to adopt.
I know it can be easier said than done but, in my experience, it really does help.
You sound like you have my son also living with you. I can't believe there are other families going through what we are going through. I found this site by fate. And read you note and I really did not feel so alone.
My son was diagonsed 2 years ago. But we have been having problems with him for the past 5yrs. He also yells and screens swears and verbal abuse he hell. Fortunately he has stoped hitting and kicking me. All because he does not get his own way, or you tell him not to do something.
He is on Melatonin at night to help him sleep or he is up till midnight kicking holes in the wall, yelling swearing or going in and waking his twin sister. But I need something during the day to help him.
Hi
I have a son who would i am sure would have been diagnosed as ODD had we not found the FAILSAFE diet.
Certain foods change him from an adorable lad to a difficult chap with some behaviours which are very unacceptable.
If you feel that I could be of help to you please see my contact details under NZ Contacts on the Failsafe website.
www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info
I am more than happy to have a chat and see if diet may answer some of your questions.
There are many letters from families who have been helped in different ways on the website also.
Since first posting this thread, our lives have improved with our boy. He was accelerated a year at school, and this has been rewarding for him, as he's with a group of very bright children 1-1.5 years older than him.
We made the (very difficult) decision to medicate his behaviour. It was not made lightly, but he has thanked us for doing it. He says it's like the worst of his anger is cut off now. He still escalates, but it's short, and he's much more reasonable and quick to 'come down' from the emotional highs. It also allows him to keep it together during the day at school which is incredibly important to him.
We gave up on CAMHS providing any sort of useful therapy and have taken him to a highly recommended private therapist. He has 'got' our boy, and our boy loves working with him. The therapist is building our sons self management skills with him, using common sense, humour and reflection. (All stuff that we have tried to do, but we know nothing - we're only his parents!!).
He now rates his ability to cope with the day each morning on how he's feeling, and if it's below 75% he goes into the day with Plan A and Plan B. Plan A is for if the day goes 'tits up', and plan B for if Plan A doesn't work! He really feels like he's in control of things for the first time in his life, rather than being controlled by the monster that is his emotional response.
Unconditional love.... part of loving our children is also knowing how to look after ourselves so that we can love them. You might need to send your boy away for some respite. It will be time for you to repair yourself, and for him to realise that his behaviour is affecting people he loves and that he's not welcome at home if he behaves like this. You note he was diagnosed 2 years ago - is there still some support there or was it a diagnosis and discharge? If there isn't support in place for you, please hound his school, your doctor and anyone else you can think of for some assistance. Listen to everything they tell you, then make your own decisions about what is best for you, your son and your family. You are the person who knows him best.
I can't really say more than that without knowing more about your situation.
Mum of 2, thanks for your suggestions. Yes we do still have help from a Family Violence counsellor. He works with us every fortnight. Apart from that we have older boys who look after him when we need it to have time out. Have you got any ideas to help calm him during the day, at school and home. He gets very frustrated easy and constantly tries to pick fights.
I am trialing cherryvite which is a natural vitamin during the day but really have not seen any difference yet. Can you tell me more about the plan A and B I would be interested to see if something like this would help. Thanks for your help
Our son decides what Plan A and Plan B are. If he's tired and emotional, Plan A might be as simple as taking himself off and reading for a while, or spending some time 1:1 with a good friend doing something he enjoys. (The school are on board with assisting him to manage himself). Plan B might be advising a teacher that he's tried self soothing techniques and they haven't worked, admitting he's not coping and asking to be excused from the class to the library, or at worst, for me to come and pick him up. Because he's feeling like he's in control he's less likely to escalate into violence. I guess the key to this being a success is that he really wants to succeed socially and educationally, but his emotions (especially anger) get in the way sometimes.
We haven't tried any supplements apart from high doses of Omega 3 & 6 and EPA and DHA oils along with a daily vitamin and mineral supplement.
It might be worthwhile to revisit your GP for a referral to CAMHS. They have access to a lot of other agencies that can provide your family with assistance such as Healthcare NZ and Youth Horizons.
This note doesn't apply to all who have written here but might be a flag for some. Recently I had the most unfortunate experience of an educational psychologist from Northland come into my home and without asking one question (and I mean that literally) tell me that my son has adhd! Now I know the lads behaviours can be trying at times but he has had a formal assessment and does not have this disorder, there are other health professionals that know my son socially and do not see signs of this disorder.
The caution is to make sure that whoever is 'diagnosing' your child has a robust assessment methodology and not just a particular bent to see their pet disorder is most all children. Needless to say this particular professional is not welcome in my home but how many others has he done this to!
Would you mind telling me the medication that your son is on that has cut off the worst of his anger? We are having great difficulty with our son again and have just been approved for respite care. My husband's relationship with our son is strained to put it mildly. I was not aware of any medication for ODD and I am intrigued.
The medication my son is on is Risperdal (Risperidone). The reason why it was hard to decide to medicate is that this medication is an anti-psychotic. It was originally developed for use in adults with schizophrenia, but it was discovered that low doses worked well for people with autism woh have anger management issues! (This is a highly condensed biography - there's huge amounts of information on the internet). BTW, my son isn't 'autistic' as such, but he may be on the spectrum. The psych's say he doesn't meet enough of the criteria on the DSM IV. It's hard to diagnose with any accuracy, as it appears that exceptionally gifted people share a lot of behaviours with those on the spectrum :-)
What the medication has helped us do is give our son some time to practice 'good' behaviour. He was so explosive before he had no chance of experiencing the success that managing himself brings. He's been on it 1 year, and we hope to have him off it within the next 6 months (its not a long term option). In the meantime, it is enabling him to practice self management and having lots of social success at school (and his relationship with his father has improved).
Don't get me wrong - he's no angel. He still gets frustrated with people and explodes, but his explosions are more baking soda volcanoes rather than Krakatoa!
We're hanging our hopes on the grade skip, combined with lots of support from parents, school and a therapist being the 'medicine' he needs to help him through the next few years......
Mum of 2
p.s. there is a chap called Anthony Kane MD who has a parenting programme on the internet specifically for parents of ODD and ADD/ADHD children. I don't know much about it, but it might be worth a look.
Isnt Risperidone the one where boys have ended up growing breasts and other such problems(non-reversible except through surgery) - Im sure it is - they wanted to put my daughter on it and I refused.
If I recall correctly it has never even been trialled nor authorised for use in children despite it frequently being prescribed.
I wrote a few months ago asking if I could hook up with someone who had one or more children with ODD. No one has contacted me, but I am very keen to touch base with someone who knows what we are going through. If someone could please contact me, I would be greatly appreciative.
Hi There,
I am in the process of having my son assessed by Child and Adolescent mental health services because of his increasing 'Difficult ' behaviour. I believe he has ODD, but it is yet to be confirmed....all the info I have read on ODD is so like my son. My son is 11, and he has been 'difficult' since he was very young. I went to a paedatrition when he was 2, only to be sent home with parenting brochures. To this day, I find it very difficult for anyone to assess him properly as his schoolwork is totally unnaffected, and his ODD is only displayed in the comfort of close friends & family.
He is a high achiever, and very bright....I think it makes the ODD worse, as he is able to manipulate a lot of situations.
I would really like someone to talk to who is in a similar situation....very bright with ODD.
It can feel really lonely out there :(
Em
Post authors whose names are underlined are 'clickable' to email. Those who have provided a clickable name are obviously willing to be contacted so do reach out, there are poster/s who would love to talk with you.
I have been looking through the links and have to tell you that this sounds like one of mine although not diagnosed as such. What has helped us in the program that we have been using called I Can Do It. It has resolved so much of the animosity. I reckon you should look at it as it is the first practiacl thing that we have found.
www.icandoitlifeskills.com
My younger son's kindergarten put me in touch with an organisation called Parent to Parent. They have been fantastic!
If you contact them (look in your phone book) someone will give you a call to see what your situation is. They have helped my by providing me with lots of literature about ODD but more importantly by linking me with another parent who has a child with the same diagnosis. That parent has called me a couple of times to chat. It was wonderful to talk to someone else who understands.
Parent to Parent also made me aware that we were probably eligible for a child disability allowance from WINZ (it's not income tested). I applied and got it, and that pays for my son's regular counselling sessions with a psychotherapist.
They have a monthly coffee morning here in Wellington and do Sibling Support days plus a camp for siblings to give them time out.
Your not going mad. My 11 year old is both gifted and has been diagnosed with ODD. By the age of 8 he had been expelled from two schools for extreme and violent behavior. We had been in and out of umpteen professionals offices, analyzed, diagnosed, picked apart and condemned by god knows how many 'trained' professionals! Argh! Finally, after threats of him being sent to a 'behavioral modification school' for a year I'd had enough.
I found a small democratic school, with a strong focus on social skills and pulled him from the state system. Best thing I could have done. Within this system he has learnt to manage his own behavior, to take responsibility, to cope with his rages without involving or hurting others, to communicate his frustrations. I have had to fight against the tide for him, but it has been worth it. I would strongly advise looking outside of the conservative 'norm' for solutions. Normal solutions have never worked for my son, I needed to go where people thought truly outside the box to find ways to help him to manage who he is.
Good luck, be strong, Emily
HI
wow what a great thread this has been to read. i have a 5 year old boy who is having trouble at school with what they call non compliance and he hits and kicks teachers and children when asked to do any sort of work. he is a lovely boy at home until asked to do something he doesn't want to do, now he doesn't hit or kick me but i'm guessing that's just a matter of time.
He has been assessed at school which i thought would be a lot more comprehensive than it was and they do seem to be trying really hard to help him but so far with no success. i am unsure if i should jump on the band wagon now and go to special education services for a better assessment or leave it to the school to see what they come up with.
as i said i have little trouble with him at home but that could be because of the way that i deal with him.
He doesn't sound as difficult as some of the children that the others on here are dealing with by a long shot but is that just a matter of time before it happens at my house too?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Many thanks
debra
Hi
Its been great reading all of your Listings. Reading alot of your situations with your sons has really spoken to me. My son is 17 and has had problems continuously at school. Unfortunately I have never had him assessed for any behavioural problems but from what I've read I believe its ODD. My current situation is that he has left school and has over the last year gone from one job to another, leaving because 'they were picking on me'. 4 weeks ago he came home and told us that hes left his job then a couple of hours later he txted me telling me that hes left home and not coming back. He has paid 5weeks board at a mates house, unemployed and goodness know's whats hes doing. I've asked him to come home but said he won't because of the 'Rules'.
I really regret being in denial about his behaviour problems when he was young. If only I looked for help, we maybe wouldn't be in this situation.I'm worried about him not being here with us!
Thanks
Sarah
Hi would love to get in contact I am desperate to talk to some other mims of children with ODD My son is 5 and I feel like I am at my wits end with him I don't know where to turn for help and advice would love to chat with you
It is simply untrue to say no trials have been done, as the merest Google search would show. There are certainly real cautions around efficacy and side effects, as with most powerful medications, requiring a careful weighing up of potential risks and benefits in a particular case.
Hi
If you wish to read my previous email on this forum 4 / 2 / 09 you may find if helps your son.
I am most happy to chat about ODD with you and see if we can be of help.
The back and forth with the constant arguing and aggression is exhausting! I was beside myself and I finally found a great program that took a lot of the negative emtions and horn locking away. The program is called I Can Do It! You ca have a look at www.ICanDoItLifeSkills.com
It is the only practical tool that helps you get through one day at a time.
Hi I have just read your thread, I need help with my 12 yr boy we are having huge problems with his school not really wanting to help or even no about him. Where did you go to find out about a democratic school.
Thanks for posting your tread Im pleased your son is much better.
I don't think my DD falls into the ODD category but we have had issues with explosive temper. I've just recently read a book called "the Explosive Child" by Ross Greene and it's been REALLY helpful. (He mentions the strategy as being applicable for ODD kids)
He has a different take on managing things and very practical things to try. Here's a link to the Amazon page (the comments are interesting). Your local library may have a copy.
Pipa, I've just had a look at the website thanks. The program sounds great, but boy, for $200 it would need to be! May I ask what age(s) child(ren) you are using the program for? Thanks.
Hi,
It has been amazing reading these threads. It is like reading our own story over and over. We have a 7 year old boy with ODD and life can be very hard. We fear that his behaviour (particularly the rages) are going to lead to a very bleak future for him. It is absolutely heartbreaking.
Does anybody know of a therapist or councellor in the lower North Island who specialises in Kids with ODD? We are wary of making a poor choice here, and making the situation worse.
Hi yes i agree there is such comfort in knowing i am not alone in this..... my 5 year old challenges me daily, with oppositional defiant behaviour we have app. next week at whakatata house, i am not too sure what to tell him though as i don't want him to think there is something 'wrong' with him! but i desperately need some stratagies that will work for him... we have been giving him magnesium, b6, b complex, and DHA and have noticed a reasonable difference especially less tantrums which were constant a couple of months ago! has anyone else tried suppliments ? and does anyone else battle with feeling guilty for telling them off because in some ways you know they can't help their bad behaviour????
Hi is anyone still involved in this thread - I know it started a long time ago (2 and a half years).
I have such a child myself - ADHD and ODD, and have tried food/diet with mixed results, I've been told to arrange some private counselling as the behaviours do not bode well long-term for teenage/adulthood (read: criminal/sociopath). But the difficulties with cost, and who is really effective and available, are yet another hurdle. I really would love to meet other parents with similar children to hear strategies, plans, feel not so alone!! I can fully appreciate and discuss my son's bullying, aggression, lack of empathy to peers, hair-trigger temper, attempts to hurt family members, pets, yet also has a 'lovely beautiful kind' side. But of course living with the worry that the 'sociopath' will win out as a teenager and adult, is terrifying.
If anyone would like to meet up or contact me, I would be very appreciative - Auckland area.
Thank you!
Hi Sarah, this is a great thread isn't it. I have a 12 year old daughter who displays ODD behaviour, we are getting her tested at the hospital in a couple of weeks to get a definite diagnosis - if that's what they call it! We have also started family couselling which has also been really helpful to us but it's not perfect yet I guess it's one of those things that takes time. We are only just starting on this journey with our daughter (although her behaviour has been like this for a very long time) so I don't really have alot of advise for other parents at this stage but it would be great to keep in touch with someone who shares these issues as we know no other families in this situation. So if you'd like to keep in touch that would be great. We are in the Auckland area as well.
My son now 22 has that also a high IQ,I hope this gives you hope,as he now has a wee boy he has settled down (a bit) There IQ actually hinders them as they argue every point!Feel free to e,mail me I understand xx
I'm the original poster. I recently put a post on this thread entitled 'light somewhere in the tunnel', so entitled because I'm sure we're nowhere near the end of the tunnel yet! He's going to turn 13 within the next year...... ;-)
ODD is a neurological and emotional problem. The causes, rather than the symptoms are what need to be treated. Look at www.integratedlearningtherapy.co.nz.
Hi there I have a 10 year old daughter who had a brain tumour from birth which caused seizures, she had this removed when she was 5. At 4 and 5 she was sent home from school and kindy for agressive antisocial behaviour. Things settle down for a while but things had escalated again two and half years ago where her violent outburst caused me to contact local authorities and mental health. She was placed on an antidepressent for anxiety and OCD and to calm her slightly. Her outburst are terrible and recently at school she tried to hurt herself. She has little friends and parents are not welcoming of her into their lives and community. I have had a neuropsycology report and we are working with councillors who suggest she has executive functioning problems. She is very bright otherwise. I strongly believe she needs an anti psychotic medication rather than an antidepressent but have struggled with having any medical professionals recognise this because of her age. I have been offered parenting courses and behaviour strategies which I have done and have also qualified as an ECE teacher I feel I have no other options to give her a stable life where she will grow up out of trouble and make the right choices. I feel as though I am hitting a wall with the mental health system.
I strongly suggest you recommend Ross Greene's book "The Explosive Child" (in NZAGC library). I have only recently come across it myself and it is brilliant! There is another way - Plan B - and it really works!!! I was fed up with "experts" recommending parenting courses and behaviour strategies when I knew in my heart that there was more to it. Ross Greene also has a number of Podcasts which are free to download about Plan B, and google him. Also The Out of Sync Child is superb as well. It is hard work, but at least there are results for it. Good luck.
Wow! I've just read all these messages - and maybe I'm not alone after all. Talked to my 6 year old son's teacher today - he is an angel at school - but boy, things are turning to custard at home. A friend mentioned ODD, and I'm going to look into some of the things suggested in various posts initially, but it sounds to me like my beautiful but argumentative son may be heading down this path. Funny, I feel depressed by what I've read, yet also incredibly moved and lifted. We shall see. I wish everyone on this site well in your various journeys.
Where do I start!!!! 1997 My son was born 9wks early, placenta abruption, very stressed both of us, transfusions keeping us alive. As he got older and me growing with the experience of being a mother, it was time to start kindy, that never worked, he freaked out, played up all the time, done the ' opposite' to what was asked, unbeknown to me he was doing it all the time at hm, it took someone else to say ' something not right', i didnt want to hear what was being said to me. So we moved from kindy to kindy. At that time I came across a preschool in the area, It was the first ever Montessori early childhood pre-school/kindy incorporated into a state primary school. Wow what a difference in my son it made! Every thing had a purpose, was neat and tidy, numbers were 8 children per session and it was the same fee that you pay the mainstream early childhood centres. But he was still showing the signs of 'something not right'. The teacher at the time refered us to SES ( specialist education services ). To which they found he wants to things ' his way ' and that was it!! Diagnosis: A young 4yr boy, very active, very intelligent, lacks motor skills,speech,has trouble comprehending ' basic ' instructions, and we no longer need to look into your case any further. to be continued........next school.
Just found this thread, Also wondering where to start. I have an added diffficulty, I am a solo Dad with a 12 yo son and just turned 15yo daughter.
My son is fine BUt my daughter, every time I think ahh, we are making progress :) it reverts back to a constant battle and arguement.
She to has a high IQ, 157 and seems to suffer from depression, hates any sort of counselling with a passion and refuses to talk or even try to help herself, a normal 15yo girl I hear you think, but i can assure you not.
LAst year CYFS involved, their answer was to send her to live with her boyfriend with who she had been wagging school, drinking taking drugs etc when she had just turned 14. then send her to Australia to her mother who had left 5 years ago. That didn't last 6 months, whilst there has been a slight improvement in the at risk behaviour there is still a long road to travel. It is no life 24/7 worrying and trying not to battle with a 15yo and being abused and treated as a slave. Schools answer now is to suspend and threaten expulsion, all this and trying to work and keep food on the table. Diet, can not even get her to eat the food I put on the table, she would rather go hungry and live of Burger king, even if it means stealing her brothers pocket money
Bruce, what a hard road you are travelling. Sharon posted a wonderful message above about her son, and I love what she said about standing beside them and giving the same message consistently - it does eventually go in.
Have you spoken to your GP about the stresses you are managing? I note your comment about your daughter not liking counselling, but there might be a bit of support out there for you and your son. During one particularly difficult period, our GP practice referred us for some free counselling for my husband and I and our other child. We did find it helpful, and it was useful to find out that our other child was being affected and becoming borderline depressed with what was happening. We made sure to spend good time with him alone where he got our undivided attention we had some fun.
Post here to vent at any time - it looks like there are lots of us out there who have either been there/done that, or are out there doing it now!
Hi Bruce,
I'm not sure if you are in Auckland, but if you are you may like to contact Lynn Berresford (educational psychologist). I went to a talk she gave a couple of years ago on parenting gifted teenagers, challenges for the children and the parents. She certainly knows how challenging and destructive they can be, and has loads of experience, knowledge and skill. Ever since then I have thought that I would certainly approach her when I struggled with my kids as teenagers (they are not there yet). I wish I had met her when I was a teenager!
Gosh I am not alone. If only the "outsiders" would see this. My daughter has been stood down from school yet again and I have just read Ross Greenes book on the Explosive Child. All great and I loved the part about "Truth about Consequences"... HOWEVER try explaining this to people who are too ignorant to see that no amount of consequences and boundaries help these children. We have now been told that along with behaviours caused through Epilepsy, her recent escalation is most likely caused by her medication Levecteracitam which causes rapid mood swings, depression suicidal thoughts, aggression. Although I am still being told that this is learnt behaviour by the school and some medical professionals who believe we need to teach her to control her moods. How on earth do you do this when medication is stopping her reaching her potential!!! We are now reducing her off the medication not before she is in the police system, 2 school stand downs, ostricised from the commnunity, record with CYFS!!! Maybe we need to move to another country!! Kia Kaha everyone and thank goodness for this forum. If only we could all get together as its very hard to be one person fighting agains the professionals.
I am so glad that Ive finally come across a discussion group of parents going through the same thing (kindof) as us. Our 10yr old daughter has ODD combined with ADHD and tourettes syndrome..which at the end of the makes her an angry kid who cant concentrate and has really bad verbal and physical tics that she cant control and get worse the angrier she becomes. We have been going to family councelling for the past year and it is VERY slow progress..been down all the medication routes but unfortunately medication for one problem only exasperates the other problems so have had to stop. We are now doing behavioural reward charts and supposeably breathing exercises but it is hard to get a kid to practice breathing when they are trying to take a swing at you and calling you a f'in c** and youre such a b***...where oh where did my gorgeous little baby girl go???? She is the oldest of four kids and both my hubby and I have had to go on "chill pills" to enable us to deal with the day to day dramas of our girl. In all the literature that I've read so far it seems to think that kids with this disorder have "bad parents" which I think is a load of rubbish because we parent our other 3 kids exactly the same way and they are "normal well devoped" kids. Sorry to speal on but its nice to get it all off my chest for once to people who hopefully understand what we are going thru. Anybody live in the Waikato and know of support groups?
Great to hear your story JJ, I know EXACTLY what you mean about teaching them to breath and be calm when they are at their height of agression. I have told the medical professionals to come and live at my house and show me how to keep her calm because there is absolutely no way possible. If I ignore I end up with something thrown at the back of my head. Like you my to other children are no where near as bad. I swear that my daugther has Aspberges but do you think anyone will make a diagnoses.]?? This is where she will fall through the cracks as it all comes down to funding and for support and without a clear diagnosis there is no funding. Meanwhile the path my girl is headed is only destruction. Like you I sat here today thinking "where is my precious little girl". Good luck with everything but I am really disappointed in the lack of resources NZ has to offer I am seriously considering Brisbane for a second opinion. I am in Nelson.
Just been reading through this thread... an old posting mentioned Melatonin. We haven't gone through a diagnosis for ODD however it all sounds way too familiar in everyone else's previous postings. Our worst 'explosions' (I had to laugh at the person who called them 'Krakatoa' - good choice!) do happen at home, the emotions seem to get bottled up during the school day then explode at home without warning. Can be very violent. I've discovered our doors are fortunately filled with a polystyrene type stuff so they haven't ended up with holes (whew!) - unfortunately the same can't be said for gib board on the walls! But the flip side is such a lovely talented kid! argh!
Anyway - can vouch for melatonin. Doesn't solve the problem, but it made a massive difference with sleep: ours hadn't slept through the night until we finally managed to get Melatonin 1mg - it's prescription only and not funded unfortunately. Couldn't believe how it instantly improved the sleep. That meant a less exhausted child who was slightly better at coping with life... but it hasn't been a total solution. Still searching for the magic wand. Sigh!
BTW another random thought for anyone to keep in mind: was alcohol involved in the pregnancy even to a small amount? I had an adopted brother - ADHD, Foetal Alcohol effect and later bipolar/schozophrenic, he too has wild rages. While alcohol was NOT a factor with either of our children, some of the ODD type behaviour is a bit too similar to my brother's for my liking.
Oh dear - I almost wish I had not started reading this thread. My oldest boy now in his thirties was 12 weeks premature and outgrew all the associated medical problems, meeting all his milestones within what could be termed `normal'. Hurrah! Then the problems began. He loved going to kindy but only to cause trouble. We tried a variety of differing styles of pre-school but their differing protocols, rules etc. did not phase him as he was only there to break as many of them as possible anyway. Same thing at school - he learned little of an academic nature, resisting all attempts to cajole him into line. He managed to go through all his school years without ever completing a home work task. In the classroom he avoided doing anything that did not interest him no matter what the cost might be. Eventually he was even banned from joining in playground games as he could not be stopped from throwing the ball onto the school roof, etc. If other children were engaged in a wet lunch break game of Ludo he would be the one to come in and chuck the pieces to the other side of the room. Strangely enough he desperately wanted to have friends and could not understand why nobody was all that keen on being his friend. Over the years no matter what strategies were put in place he resisted them all and although he supposedly had an IQ of mammoth proportions it was very hard to see any sign of it except in the elongated arguments he put forth to all who could be bothered to listen as to why his ideas were superior to the rest of humankind. He genuinely believed that he was right about most things and that the world would be a better place if people would only take heed of his way of doing things. As he grew older he developed a more and more addictive personality. He is an alcoholic, cannot be trusted with money because he is likely to spend all or anything he has on the latest addiction and his future is bleak.
Over the years we tried everything there was to try in order to help him - from diets to drugs, from tough love to intensive reward programmes for the slightest glimmer of improvement - and occasionally stopping a mere fraction from beating him to pulp.
Yet he was despite all this, the most charming little boy with an extraordinary sensitivity to music and poetry. He has always been the most generous person I have ever encountered. His three siblings, all younger than him and now in different parts of the world, still love him dearly and stay in constant contact with him.
Parenting such a child is a nightmare and in our case, with every year that passed things only got worse.
Same here with Mr 9yr. LOVE to get in contact about any helpful advise you have. I'm nearing the point of pulling him out of school, and all after school activities. Not because I think its best for him sadly, but because of all the chaos involved with him not "fitting the right boxes".....sigh.....
Does anyone know of a good Ed. therapist/psychologist/someone to help in the Bay of Plenty area who does teens, not just younger kids???? Tried contacting the one listed on the NZGA homepage but they've not answered so I guess they're not available any more. We haven't had any assessment done but the Krakatoa outbursts and violence are a pain in the butt.
Ta :-)
We had amazing success with Ross Barker. He's not a qualified psychologist, but a counsellor. He has worked for CAMHS in the past, but now does private work and I believe he contracts to Tauranga Boys College.
I have heard him referred to as the 'boy whisperer'. He's a bit alternative, so you'll have to take your hat off and open your mind at the door!
If you would like his details, message again with your e-mail or phone and I'll contact you. Our son spent 1 year intensively working with him, then during the next year it slowly dropped to once a month, in the third year once a term, and now not at all :-)
I have been expoloring the internet for anything that looks like my son's behaviour (he is 6.5) and came across your letter. He hasn't been diagnosed yet (in the process) but your discription defines him to a tee - nice to know others have similar issues.
Just found this site again - have read and noted 'The Explosive Child', but it's so hard to maintain the energy required! Son had a major meltdown today and went missing for over an hour (first time) ... can anyone recommend someone in Christchurch we could speak to?
Hi
Wow, this site is fantastic! I have not read all the posts but will bookmark this page and come back :-)
I have a 7 year old son that has taken our family on a journey to hell and not quite back again. Since the age of 2 his beautiful personality changed to one with a very short fuse, snapped so quickly from happy to really angry, antisocial, physical violence on people and animals, argumentative, oh gee the list goes on.
Anyway, I had been trying to get help for years and no-one seemed to listen to me that it's not my parenting style its my son. But I refused to listen and kept pushing so the doctor sent my husband and I to Anger Management Courses, and Family Therapy. We tried all other suggestions from professionals and other parents: reward charts, we're to hard on him, we're too soft on him, he's bored, he's over stimulated, you do too much with him, blah blah blah blah - talk about mixed messages!! I even had to go on the "Chill Pill" to cope. Finally my new doctor listened.
Hooray - after filling out numerous forms and questionnaires, his teacher doing the same, and the University of Otago doing tests he has been diagnosed as ADHD and ODD and is now on medication.
He has been on medication for a little over a month now and I must say the change in his behaviour was amazing, he's a lot more calm, less fidgety and is almost manageable - still having issues with the ODD, but I'm a lot calmer now and can deal with him better.
Hi ya. I have just gone threw a lot of these messahes and yours stuck out. My don was 7 weeks early. He's now 28 nearly 29 months old. Were with paft and gse. Pre school was like somethings not right too. Yet took so long to get into gse. I took him out of pre school as they wouldn't listen. He needs to be watched constantly I said. Every pick up he'd hurt himself an most time they didn't know how. So I had to. Anyways paft ( parents as first teachers) are on board as in somethings not right. I thought maybe austism scale somewhere but maybe like paft said its like odd kinda. When gse lady comes he sits nice n plays etc but as soon as she leaves. Its on. Hitting kicking screaming etc no no no no .... I think like paft sees him tge true behavour he is very bright an wonder also if that's part of his issues. Yet he has troubles also with sensory things and aldo like orginising himself almost. Very clumbsy.
But very loving. I know there's something there that I can get him help for but I need to know what it is. I'm currently taping or just started today. His behavours n will give to gse. Showher wat she doesn't see.
Was wondering how your getting on and would you be keen in maybe chatting ?
