1st time on any forum, but I'm totally at my witts end with this and have no idea what to do. Our son turned 6 at the start of the year and since around then he has stated daywetting. He is totally dry at nights and we never had any big problems with toilet training when he was little. I've tried everything - being supportive, being angry, being upset, ignoring, rewards, etc etc NOTHING has worked, infact it is getting worse. Ive taken him to the doctor to check for an infection etc - but all clear. He will be jumping around the room but will insist that he doesn't need to goto the toilet. And often when he does wet (which is now about 3 times a day - but usually just enough to take the pressure off for a while) he claims he has no idea (athough how he can't feel the wet pants is beyond me). During the same time frame he has started showing overexcitabilities and is a very anxious wee soul - so I'm not sure if this is a nervous thing that has become a bad habit or just being lazy as its just not a prioity to goto the toilet. I doesn't matter if he is at school, out, or at home. Any help or advice would be very much appreicated :)
I really feel for you this must be so frustrating. My ds10 was similar although we didn't have daywetting, but going to the toilet really WAS NOT a priority for him, he would dance around and jump up and down etc etc and would go at the very very last minute (sometimes dribbling a bit when quite young), he was just too busy doing other things - it could be a boy thing.
When I was potty training him we found it very frustrating because I kept putting him on the potty and he wouldn't go and would get really brassed off at me - turned out he only goes three times a day, unlike me who goes every hour - I assumed everyone else does too!
Eventually he grew out of the holding off (probably age 6/7) and knows when he needs to go.
I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, but I'm sure this is not a one off, there are most likely others out there. Hopefully he too will grow out of it. All the best
I can think of a number of reasons this might happen - stress, attention seeking, too focussed on what he's doing to notice physical discomfort (have done this myself when I was a child, I would get so absorbed I didn't notice how cold and cramped etc I'd got while playing until I actually moved).
The other thing which springs to mind is food allergies/ intolerance - the hyper excitability goes with this and if he's had anything new added to his diet in the last 6 mths that could be the problem.
Those are the "normal" things I would look for as you've eliminated the possibility of infection. the quirky reason could be that he's experimenting with what it's like to be a baby/ some other strange and wonderful reason that he's got some idea in his head about - I say this because recently Miss 3 who's been potty trained since around 18mths old wet herself - she did it quite deliberately, and was totally unapologetic about it as she'd decided that after Dad had joked to Mr5 he'd 'wet himself" after spilling water in his lap that it was a great joke to "wet yourself".... GAH!
Very frustrating for you, I hope you get to the bottom of it.
If you wanted to do your own research then "secondary diurnal enuresis " is the term (just INCASE no one has mentioned it).
If physical causes have been eliminated then there is a good chance that his focus has "stepped up a gear" developmentally and at this time he isnt consciously recognising the "signal" (including the after affect of wet pants).
Behavioural training might be helpful .... at regular intervals "toilet stops" are scheduled whether he feels (or says) that he needs to toilet or not - and at those times the standard "toilet routine" (going through the motions so to speak) is required regardless. This can help him develop a mental routine of "breaking" from activities in order to go to the toilet.
"Reward" any "successes" (this can be as simple as praise - depending on the child). There may be an "extinction burst" (gets worse before it gets better) and then it may reduce over time (less and less accidents until none at all) or the schedule may actually catch his needing to go very well and it disappear very quickly.
Perhaps combine that with a positive reinforcement programme for "dryness" - divided into portions of the day (multiple opportunities to achieve "success" over the day - even if there is still an accident).
Eg: "Morning / afternoon / evening/ night.
If you can identify a specific pattern (ie spend a week just noting "where and when and what was happening at the time) then that can be very helpful in terms of "tailoring" to him specifically. IE .... sometimes my grandson has been "hanging on" all afternoon at school - so when I am cued into "his signs" I know to pop him to the toilet at school, immediately after school BEFORE we come home ..... because if something else grabs his attention by the time he gets home he can indeed forget that he "needed to go".
There are all sorts of options in terms of approach (another is cleanliness training) but if it were my grandson that is the approach I would take first.
We are not 6, but four and going through the same thing. I will often find little miss wondering around without underwear, and when I ask where they are, she just says she has wet them. We have been ignoring it recently to be sure it is not an attention seeking thing, but I like the idea of planned toilet breaks and she must go, as she does lose focus and doesn't want to miss out.
Thanks god we are not the only ones.
Though we also have a problem with no. 2's, but one I think it will help with that too.
I do have to admit the local parents have been quite supportive, though you never know what they say behind your back.
Mine is 7 and has a similar problem with leakage. The doctor suggested behavioural things such as going to the toilet at break times, but of course she forgets. Daughter brought it up a second time when we were at the doctors for some other reason, so the doctor referred us to a paediatrician at hospital. The paediatrician was very nice and said this is a very common thing and usually when they get a bit older and a bit more socially aware they, the kids, make a bigger effort to stop this occurring. Just to rule out any unlikely physical reasons, we are going to have a scan next month. New exercises include trying to hold on for an increasing number of seconds while sitting on the toilet. I think there is a slight improvement but it still happens and unfortunately daughter chooses not to wear pants under her skirts most of the time.
Hi, not sure if you've sorted your problem yet but I'll add something that may help. Our boy always had issues with day wetting, to the point that he smelled pretty high by the time he came home from kindy and then school. We eventually took him to someone who asked us to look at how much he was actually drinking. I knew he was never a gulper and would just sip at drinks and leave them unfinished most of the time. She told us to get him to drink 5 cups of fluid a day. 1x cup (250ml) at breakfast, 1x cup at morning tea, 1x cup at lunch, 1x cup at afternoon tea, 1x cup at dinner and just a sip at bedtime. Turns out his bladder was too small to hold much and so with all the drinking it stretched his bladder so he was able to hold a lot more. It worked! When they drink a cup in one go, the pressure is usually more obvious than if they have just been sipping gradually during the day.
Although I do have to be the "enforcer", otherwise he'd go back to sipping. I try to make it fun, or ask him how many gulps it would take to finish etc
Hope this helps! Welcome to email me any time.
Regards
Cath
DS told me it felt like a warm spa so he liked wetting on purpose. DD said she was playing mummy's and babies and she was the baby so she had to.
Either way, one cure worked, for wetting and pooing. Each time they did, I told them we would need to shower them from the waist down because it's dirty now. I made the shower cool (not cold or warm) and told them it takes too long for the hot water to come through so we couldn't wait. 10 seconds, just a quick rinse for wees, and wash with soap until all clean with poos. Both of them stopped after the third wash. Easy, fast and inexpensive.
Obviously if there is a medical issue or anxiety this wouldn't be the answer. This would be for soiling deliberately through choice or laziness, and only if this feels acceptable to you as the parent.
Hi my son was dry at night from an early age but at school would not go to the toilet, he would come out at the end of the school day and I would want to gag and that was after he had changed x 2 during the school day. We had tests etc and everything was functioning as it should. He was very unhappy at school and it stopped when he started at a new school that was better suited to his academic needs. I realize now that it was a choice thing, he did not have much control over his life but he could control peeing himself! Have not had a wet day since he went to new school a year and a half ago. Whilst he was going through this i was at my wits end as nothing seemed to work and he was 8!
If it is nothing medical it may be a way of controlling things for themselves and so another perspective may need to be taken about how they are coping with things in their environment. Gifted kids often look at things differently from others. We had the nurse involved who was doing reward charts etc, this so did not float his boat!
Hang on in there you do not hear of many adults peeing their pants just because they can.
I started this thread and just wanted to let everyone know how we were going. . . . it has been a LONG battle and I'm sure we aren't over it by any means, but after everyone's WONDERFUL advise we took two actions side by side. We addresses his lack of challenge at school (was going to happen anyway) and have got things a bit better (also adding lots of extra "afterschooling" learning for him). We are also following Caths advice (1 cup at breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner) and so far it is working a treat!! Still have a few slip ups but most days are dry. VERY happy mum now (and just have to remember to keep it up!). Thanks again to EVERYONE for your advise, its also great to know that we aren't alone :)
