My daughter is 7 years old and exhibits all the signs of giftedness. She challenges our parenting skills on a daily basis and it has been a rollercoaster ride. I am at the end of my tether. I am tired of all her temper outbursts, the yelling and arguing that goes on and would really like some changes in our family environment. I don't want to change her. She is special to us.. I just want to buff the edges a bit and reduce the outburst by 50% - I am realsitic, but do know it is time to seek help...
I think she is gifted - how gifted - does it matter? She is who she is...
Should my husband and I have counseling to improve our parenting skills or should we have her tested or both?
For us to pay $700 to have her tested and then find out she is exceptionally gifted only tells us what we already know?...Moderately gifted, Bright - does it matter?
Wouldn't counseling to help in managing behavior issues be more beneficial and value for money? Or does a psychologist need to test to understand the child better before guiding the parents?
I want to do the right thing for my daughter and our family and just want to make an informed decision, so any advice would be greatly received.
We had our son tested and found it a huge benefit to know where he was at. It showed strengths in areas we hadn't picked up on etc
We/he now sees the psychologist who tested him as and when 'issues' arise. She is fantastic, he is comfortable with her and she gives us great advice and realistic goals.
All the best :-)
p.s I have also seen her without him when I have been desperate for someone to understand!
Your daughter sounds frustrated (screaming tantrums) or is she actually bullying you? Children can be scarey when they have all the power in the family. Some children just won't be told no - a psychologist can really help give you a view into your own parenting, and a view into the way your child is processing things - often, as with my own experience, it isn't so much 'poor parenting' as just parenting that wasn't tailored enough toward the specific character of a child. We did the ed. psych thing and the gifted diagnosis has never been of any benefit, the time and money however spent with the child psychologist - supporting us (we were exhausted, I hear you!) and our child - was invaluable and money well spent. We now have a healthy relationship with our gifted, overly sensitive, deeply emotional, lonely, talented and beautiful child .... but she was suicidal when she was 8 and we would have lost her if we hadn't sought help. It is okay to not have all the answers, and it is brave to get help - I think you sound brave! Not sure where you are, but can highly recommend Jude at Takapuna Psychotherapy in Auckland for you and your family. Best wishes.
I can understand the frustration for you, and would endorse Michelle's comments about understanding the emotional intensity of your daughter. I would also strongly recommend that you approach a children's counsellor who is knowledgeable about giftedness, for your daughter and yourselves. If you are in Auckland I can recommend some contacts - my contact details are on the site already. Please ring and have a chat with me
We have an eight year old daughter who exhibited much of the same characteristics. We didn't think we needed to get her tested as we had done with her gifted older brother because she seemed much more organised and 'normal'.
Gosh were we wrong. Her behavior deteriorated to the the sort of behavior that you described with your daughter. The ed psychologist (can't recommend her highly enough ) enough was able to identify my daughter's total lack of self esteem and the strategies we could use to build her up.
So from my experience an education psyc. used to gifted children will treat the 'whole child' not just her educational dimensions.
I have just been reading through some of the comments and in particular the one from Lee about their 7 year old daughter and can completely relate. My husband and I have just decided/realised that we just don't seem to have the skills needed to help make our bright 8 year boy shine! We are looking at getting parenting help for ourselves to help him and think he would benefit having time with a professional as well. Any recommendations in the Auckland area would be appreciated.