I do not know if my son (4 in April) falls into the gifted category or is just very (very) bright. I am getting worried already about what to do with him schooling wise, even though he is at Montessori Preschool and can stay till 6 - so I'm worrying miles in advance. I find it's not something you can discuss with people as they just don't understand.
Yesterday I was talking to a new entrant teacher who was talking about diagnostic testing before a child enters and how from that they can pick up the children who are very bright - "most children are working with 1-10, but there are some extremely bright ones who know all the way to 100", - 10 minutes before that my son had taken four numbers out and laid them down, 5,4,7,2, -"Mum, I made five thousand, four hundred and seventy two"!
He is reading, finds flags about the most exciting thing ever, and just really absorbs any information he's given. I know I should be celebrating how curious he is, and how amazing his brain is, but all I feel is dread about his future. And as I've said, I don't know if he's gifted, and I don't know if it matters.
I'm not sure why I'm posting and what kind of feedback I'm after...just wanted to share my frustration/fears! Thanks for taking the time to read it.
Hi Marse - you're right, people just don't get it. And one of the worst things is when *teachers* don't get it. I gather you don't want to be 'worrying miles in advance' but being prepared in advance will perhaps help your son.
Keep doing what you're doing - sounds as if it's working. :-) He seems enthusiastic - I love the 5,472 comment! And perhaps over the next year spend some time investigating the local schools - as you would anyway with a child your boy's age - with a view to how they may accommodate giftedness. This doesn't necessarily mean going barging in and saying "My kid's gifted. How will you cater to him" although some might do that. But if it's possible, spend time in the local community, perhaps chatting to parents outside the various school gates. Meet with the principal and gain a feel for their views. A lot of parents recommend looking at GATE policies. I would also suggest looking at how they treat bullying. Not that your son will be bullied, but, that might give you an idea of how readily the kids in the school accept 'differences' and how the teachers encourage good relationships, especially if a child is "different" etc. (And let's face it, gifted children do learn differently). It might also be a good time to see if there are any NZAGC groups in your area. And, are you aware of www.hoagiesgifted.org? Loads of info there.
You'll need to decide whether you want to get testing done. Everyone has different views - some people don't like 'labels', others like having more information about his or her child's learning needs.
'Anon" has given you excellent advice and I support her suggestions. I too loved the 5472 example! Taht says it all really, in a very neat nutshell.
Sometimes it helps, having done the homework as suggested by Anon, that you give yourselves a time frame when your son starts whichever school you have chosen to let him settle in, let the teaching staff get to know him and for him to start letting you know how he is finding things.
Be prepared to have a conversation with the school after your time frame is up [e.g. after the first 6 weeks] with a view to airing any early issues or concerns and thinking about solutions. If you approach the school as though this will be a shared journey rather than taking a more adversarial stand you should get a reasonable response.
Sometimes people rush to having their children tested, but in general you only really need to do this if there is a problem.
Relax and enjoy the great time you're having with your son right now - there are schools and teachers who do get it and not everyone has a tough time so you never know it may all be Ok at the time.
'Anon" has given you excellent advice and I support her suggestions. I too loved the 5472 example! Taht says it all really, in a very neat nutshell.
Sometimes it helps, having done the homework as suggested by Anon, that you give yourselves a time frame when your son starts whichever school you have chosen to let him settle in, let the teaching staff get to know him and for him to start letting you know how he is finding things.
Be prepared to have a conversation with the school after your time frame is up [e.g. after the first 6 weeks] with a view to airing any early issues or concerns and thinking about solutions. If you approach the school as though this will be a shared journey rather than taking a more adversarial stand you should get a reasonable response.
Sometimes people rush to having their children tested, but in general you only really need to do this if there is a problem.
Relax and enjoy the great time you're having with your son right now - there are schools and teachers who do get it and not everyone has a tough time so you never know it may all be Ok at the time.
I understand what you are saying - I did the Parents As First Teachers programme from birth to 3 years and I expected them to be supportive of a child doing well so was very proud to tell the tutor my daughter could do mental addition at age 3 - "there are only 2 of us here now but when D arrives there will be 3 and if she brings her dog then there will be 5 of us". I was told (quite severely in my opinion) that it just wasn't possible for a 3 year old to do this and I felt basically I was told to get my head out of the clouds. Looking back at old photos (playing chess at 18 months - athough I could still beat her then), making dinner before she was 3 I can't believe I didn't know she was gifted.
I let the school work out for themself that she was gifted (I know this strategy hasn't worked for everyone) and was frustrated at the babyish books she brought home for the 1st few days. Then they had a day they could bring their own favourite book to read and she brought a Christian Cullen biography (a mini book written for adults that she loved). The teacher from that day has remained friends and she still laughs about that day.
Don't worry too much - life is so much fun with gifted children, you never know what they are going to think of next.
Countrygirl - I know what you mean about people saying its not possible for them to be doing such and such. I mentioned once to a friend that my son was reading, and her reply - "it's amazing how young children can memorise a book and make you think they are reading"! I did get to feel a bit smug yesterday with same friend when at the zoo he asked me what a sign said. I said, "you tell me", and he read, 'if you put your finger in the cage the bird will bite you". She was really surprised.
Alison, thank you for reminding me it doesn't always have to go badly! I am personally not a fan of mainstream schools but its proving a bit hard to get him into a Montessori Primary anywhere near home, so I'm probably looking for problems prematurely!
Anon, thanks for lots of suggestions. Does every school have a GATE policy? When is it normal to start looking around for schools - is anytime after 4 quite ordinary - like they won't be rolling their eyes that I am being over the top going in and checking them out?
I just wanted to say thanks to the contributors here that have highlighted how a seemingly small and innocuous incident can highlight what the parent of a gifted child means when faced with responses ranging from doubt to outright derision. The bringing along of her favourite book and the counting into the thousands are just such lovely examples!
Our society is seriously geared to being egalitarian and leveling playing fields - so the almost "automatic pilot" response is disbelief to a statement of extraordinary performance is, for us kiwi's, generally the norm.
There are also those who are keen to promote their childs every achievement as meaning that they must be gifted without actually understanding what it really means to be gifted. For example some chidlren can read beautifully and at a very advanced level but whose comprehension is a country mile from their reading ability - teachers call this "barking at print". You can understand some wariness from a teacher when they've found themselves initially impressed with a child's reading and then found out later that understanding didn't follow suit.
I guess the thing is is takes a while for folk who don't know a child to realise this is truly "extra"-ordinary and outside what they expect - so please do be patient, be subtle and don't give up - there are some really fabulous teachers out there.
About 4 years old is usually the age parents start looking at their choices for schools. I suggest you Google the Ministry of Ed website and look up NAG's [national administration guidelines] these are effectively the rules that schools should follow. In these you'll see that schools are expected to identify and cater for gifted children. It is however one thing to say a school should have a policy and a programme for gifted children - many will have exactly that, what really counts is what that programme and policy looks like.
There is nothing wrong with asking to speak with the teacher who is responsible for gifted children and asking them questions about the programme [e.g. what does the school do for the very early years [0-3], does the programme focus more on thinking and problem solving and exploration of abilities and interests or is it subject based with each term being for a different subject so "everyone gets a turn".
Just don't spend too much energy and time on the future decisions and miss the here and now delights.
